Speed's widow opens up on loss and "doesn't know" whether she can forgive him

Gary Speed 's widow Louise has opened up a decade on from his tragic suicide - and admitted that she "doesn't know" if she can ever forgive him for leaving his family behind.

Former Wales boss Speed took his own life a decade ago on Saturday, aged just 42, and t ributes have poured in from those who knew him.

The Welshman played for the likes of Leeds, Newcastle and Everton during a glittering playing career that saw him amass over 400 Premier League appearances. He had been in charge of his beloved Wales for just 11 months before his death.

His sudden and shocking death left his family and friends stunned 10 years ago.

And Louise has admitted that she still hasn't fully forgiven her husband - although she does want to.

She admitted in an interview with The Daily Mail : "Have I forgiven Gary? I ask myself this often. Can I? Have I? Will I?

"I don't know. I have witnessed the hurt he has caused to his family and friends, particularly his boys and his mum and dad and myself.

"The void he has left within us all. So I don't know. I just don't know if I have forgiven him yet or not. But of course I want to.

"The anger has only just subsided and that is part of it. I was angry with him for a long time but that also kept me strong, if you know what I mean? It's when I released that anger that I felt a little bit vulnerable.

"You do have to start feeling real emotions again, though. If you don't then you don't move on."

Speaking on the tenth anniversary of his passing, Louise revealed that she stumbled across a letter that Speed had written aged just 17 when he was at Leeds when going through her husband's possessions a few years ago.

In the letter he admitted to having suicidal thoughts - although he never sent the letter to his wife.

"That letter was never sent," she reveals.

"That was the first I knew of it. But my conclusion is that to do what Gary did you must be unwell in your mind. He couldn't talk, didn't want to talk. He had all the opportunity through people like the League Managers Association.

"If anybody in football had come to him with problems he would have sent them off in the right direction. But he didn't do that for himself. So all I can say or presume is that he didn't want to or couldn't talk about whatever it was."

Speed's former Newcastle team-mate, Alan Shearer, also penned a tribute for The Athletic to mark the anniversary of his passing.

"The Speedo I knew was happy, admired by everyone who came across him, which is pretty much unique in football. That smile - plastered across his face - was what I knew," Shearer wrote.

"But the Gary I knew also took his own life and the knowing and the not knowing are still devastating."

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