The only player to escape the former Aston Villa captain's tirade was Fraser Forster, despite the goalkeeper's error-strewn performance.
Fortunately they were not costly mistakes from the No.2 with Tottenham Hotspur, who at one point led 3-0, held on to win 4-3 and progress to the Carabao Cup semi-finals.
Ange Postecoglou's side will face Liverpool as they aim to end their 16-year trophy drought, but they didn't get there without causing another late scare for their supporters.
Spurs got off to a flyer and were seemingly in the clear as two goals from Dominic Solanke and a tidy finish from Dejan Kulusevski gave the hosts a big lead their dominant performance deserved after 54 minutes.
But Forster's first mistake came nine minutes later as his lazy pass at the back was intercepted by Bruno Fernandes, who assisted Joshua Zirkzee to tap in.
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Seven minutes after that, the 36-year-old shot-stopper was at fault again - this time being chased down by Amad Diallo who deflected Forster's attempted pass back into his own net.
Captain Heung-min Son then restored a two-goal cushion with a stunning effort straight from a corner, only for Spurs concede again as Jonny Evans scored in stoppage-time.
Tottenham fans would have been forgiven for thinking 'here we go again', having thrown away a two-goal lead to lose 4-3 to Chelsea only a few weeks ago, but they managed to close out the rest of the match to seal their progress in the cup.
However, speaking on talkSPORT Breakfast the morning after the pulsating clash, Agbonlahor said: "It was like two sets of clowns playing each other. The defending… Spurs going forward were very good.
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"Manchester United woke up a little bit in the second half thanks to some mistakes from Forster, but the defending, wow.
"I hammered Southampton's defence, but wow. I don't blame Forster at all, I blame the manager and the rest of the players."
He continued: "Forster, how long has he been around now, he's 37. He's always been a shot-stopper, he's never been a keeper to play with his feet.
"I played with so many goalkeepers that if they were playing now they'd be exactly like Forster. They don't want it."
Postecoglou has recently come under fire, especially for performances in the Premier League as they currently sit tenth.
Match going fans were booing the Australian after a 1-0 loss to Bournemouth earlier this month.
Following that defeat he committed to fighting until the club's situation improved, something a trophy would achieve.
A Carabao Cup victory may be the route to quench the first of Spurs fans desperate to add silverware to their cabinet.
"Obviously we made it harder than it should have been - we were well in control and playing really well," said Postecoglou speaking to Sky Sports.
"The first mistake affected Fraze [Fraser Forster] and then the second came as a result of that and we had to scramble a little bit but showed some character at the end and got a fourth and are through to the semis."
On the other side of the draw Arsenal take on Newcastle.
The semi-final ties will take place over two legs across the week commencing January 6 and the week commencing February 3.