Premier League review: West Ham’s great result, Everton sock it to Palace, but Jordan Pickford is an England worry

I mean, thanks to the Premier League fixture computer for leaving us four super-exciting fixtures to get super-excited about whilst the rest of the clubs were sunning it up in Dubai, making ill-advised virus-related social media posts or hiding away after fatherhood reveals were made in the tabloids.

Oh, and additional thanks has to go to Storm Ciara for helping West Ham to the best result they've had in many a week.

Today's column will be a bit like Saturday's Match of the Day – contractually obliged but utterly pointless.

I didn't actually catch MotD but I am hazarding a guess that Messrs Lineker, Shearer and Wright weren't on duty – I'm presuming that Chappers, Dion Dublin and Kevin Kilbane might have got the call to review the action served up at Goodison Park and the Amex.

Whisper it quietly, but Everton are starting to look like less of a shambles under Carlo Ancelotti.

If Harry Kane isn't fit enough for Euro 2020 then Dominic Calvert-Lewin might be in with a shout for a place on the bench.

DCL has 11 Premier League goals this season, almost as many as Crystal Palace themselves, and most of them have come since Ancelotti turned up on Merseyside.

Maybe Gareth Southgate could invite Carlo to have a word in Dominic's ear before England matches? The results might be amazing.

Palace's jig was pretty much up as soon as Bernard put the Toffees ahead.

Everton fans were drooling at the quality of Walcott's cross but given the evidence of the previous 15 years of Theo surely it's OK to suggest his mis-kicked it?

He mis-kicked it so much so he had to go off injured – maybe it was the shock of the quality ball that led sub Djibril Sidibe to lose his sock?

It's the only logical explanation as to why a very-well-paid professional footballer turned up to work half-dressed.

And what is it with England No.1 goalkeepers? As soon as they get elevated to that position their form goes into freefall – for Joe Hart, now see Jordan Pickford who called his attempt to save Palace's goal as 'disgusting'. Nope, nobody is disagreeing.

Everton are on the up and the race to be best-of-the-rest is far more interesting than the title race.

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Sheffield United skipper believes European qualification is a serious possibility

In a blatant effort to prove once and for all that people from Yorkshire are made of tougher stuff than people from Manchester, Sheffield United's match against Bournemouth went ahead and they'll be grateful that it did.

Skipper Billy Sharp scored his first-ever Premier League goal at Bramall Lane before sub John Lundstrom kept the Blades' European hopes alive.

You know exactly what to do if Chris Wilder does lead his team into the Europa League next season, don't you?

That's right – lump on them getting relegated.

If Watford are going to stay up this season, and they probably should, they might want to stop throwing away leads in comical fashion.

They've dropped eight points from winning positions in the last few games and, let's be honest, they're not often in winning positions.

Defender Adrian Mariappa undid all the good work by sticking one past his own keeper against Brighton.

Not that Brighton really deserved it and could well get dragged into a relegation battle themselves.

At the Etihad, Peppy G took one look up to the sky, stuck his finger in the air and concluded it was a bit wet, cold and windy to stick six past West Ham and the game was called off.

Rumours that the City players were already on the plane to Dubai when the decision was made are completely untrue…

Winter breaks are fun, right?